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Thursday, December 06, 2007

12/03

I always find myself writing during the cultural studies lecture...

The Battles were short and often. The war lasted forever. Our victory dance was brief and then it all went to shit and all we had to show for it were battle scars. Deep scars. We tried so hard for so long to ignore the feelings that persisted and resurged every so often and when we finally stopped lying to ourselves, the war had just begun. The next step was making you realize and fulling understanding how completely devoted I was to you and how much you needed. I proved it after long months and we lived blissfully for not even a quarter of the time we had spent fighting and resenting. I want you back as my best friend, and as my lover who...well was brand new. But that didn't matter to me, we were so much more than that. I don't know why, but I'm not bitter or mad. I am just lonely. I still want to cater to you and make sure that you know that someone loves you because I don't think you ever felt that. I deadass don't know why.

Cuz no one loves you more than me,
and no one ever will.
- Ms. Hill

Sometimes I do think that this was for the best. I'm seeing old friends, made some new ones and I'm feeling brand new but...only sometimes. I'm fully aware of the fact that I deserve someone who's willing to be there with me through thick and thin and who appreciates me for all that I am. And I agree, 100%, the only problem is that I thought that that person was you and I had already found him so now it's like...who do I trust?

---------------------------

In the same class, a poem.

"No hard feelings."

I bid you farewell,
and I wish you luck.
You are not who I thought you were but,
I think it's just because
I am a know it all.
You let us go in an instance
and I persisted to hold on.
I figured, 'he's being irrational,
I need to make him realize.'
But I don't know if you want
to realize anymore.
I don't know who you are.

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