I write you this letter and will never send it. Oh how I have posts from other blogs written in hopes that you'd see them but this one...I'd rather you don't...because I know you won't.
I say 'thank you' you say 'good lookin'. I say 'baby' you say 'ma'. We worked, we functioned and we showed each other our love and affection in the only abstract way we knew how. Abstract to the outsides but to you and me, it worked. An inconvenient truth threw us off guard and melted our ice caps. Into a sea we never expected to be floating about in, confused, lost. To you, it is a sign that we're not meant to be, to me it's a test of strength. I'm hanging on long after you've let go and I don't even know if it will be worth it in the end. You don't seem to be struggling with your conscious about me but then again you've always been good at hiding your emotions, so much so that for a while it seemed like you didn't have any.
When I tell people about our "break-up" and the way I feel they say, "But...him? What's the big deal? Why him?" But...why not him? Him who has known me for the past forever, him who has come to me for help since...always. Nobody gets it either and when I try to explain it all, I just find myself stumbling over my words, stuttering "I don't know." Truthfully sometimes I ask myself how'd I fall so miserably in love with my best friend and not even notice it? I gradually found myself fighting for you with all that I had and even now I refuse to let go.
I shouldn't have waited to tell you my deepest secret. I should have told you the second I found out. Maybe it could've saved us. Maybe you wouldn't have left me to hang with a gun and bullet in hand. Shoulda, woulda, coulda.
Why don't I just let it go?
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