Maybe..about..someone?

06-24
The possibilities seem endless from the
skyscrapers that I live my life on.
You came like a quiet storm
slowly gaining momentum as you saw interest,
taking my life by surprise.
I find myself smiling more
as the days progress.
Dreams I had long ago abandonded
resurrect without a struggle.

06-25
Infiltrated quietly,
you are now a permanent landmark on my mind.
I dared myself not to think of you
and I lost.
Lost my inhibitions.
Lost my mind.
The funniest thing happens when I think of you,
I smile.
As I write this, I bite my cheek,
trying to resist and fight the good fight
of the Amazon woman.
But then I think of your laugh...

Work in progress

This one I had been working on for like a week. I started out with a few lines. And then I decided not to finish it exactly. I'm not sure if it's done yet but...this is what I have so far. It was inspired by a friend who's in the hospital and...shook our worlds.

The tragedies of this world
surround me like these 4 walls.
We were invincible for a while,
unaffected by the misery that was hidden from us.
So much time we spent worrying
about problems that in the end
mattered only then.

We've been slapped in the face with
reality's overpowered hand.
That hand that you can't escape.
The sunlight that had once illuminated
our days has suddenly been blocked
by the hand that rules all.
The conundrums of our lives beat so loudly
I can't hear anything else.

Just as things pick up in one place,
in another it spirals downward.
This is our lives from now on.
There's no escaping it.
The problems that we create for ourselves,
engulf us in this mad world.
Because we made them,
we must now face them.

Our denial of reality
makes us hate it even more...

---

Yeah definitely not done.

Updates

Here are a few that I've written in the last couple of weeks...

06-10
I had to let my tears dry,
not too long ago.
Sitting here observing my life,
I see only the cruelties.
The things that won't let me live.

06-12
The battle of right and wrong.
My body yearns for one thing,
but my mind insists no.
The calamity of the world we live in
drives me to the point of insanity.
I look up and feel vertigo
as the world keeps on spinning,
whether I'm breathing or not.
My body aches and calls to him
but my conscious won't let me.
He's not the one, therefore its not right.
But what if the one already slipped away?
Or will never show up?
Then I will be left shriveled.

06-14
It's happened too many times
felt that way a million times...
too many.
This isn't how it's supposed to be.
Big Riot.
I blew my fuse.
The devil is gone
and according to Bjork,
There's no use of falling in love.

Let this go

On the L train, thinking about a friend who I love a lot and who I've recently found out is a different person. So this was inspired by Paramore's "Let this Go"

I don't even know you
anymore.
For so long I was afraid.
Afraid to tell you that
the lips I once knew as mine
felt foreign.
She's been there
and she's done that.
While I was here
thinking of how it's supposed to be.
That's not the way that it's supposed to be.
For so long I was afraid
to tell you that I don't know you.
To be alone because I know
that once I say it,
it'll be true.
And it will be over.
But it already is.

Bueno...

Y las mentiras que se destacan,
ellas solas.
Tatuada sobre mis ojos
y sobrel corazon.
Tantas cosas bella en la vida,
que no permiten ven.
Este corazonsito que le han mentido,
prohibido de ver la verdad,
sin tener que sentir dolor.
Ya mi mente no es mente.
No sabe que pensar,
ni que sentir,
ni que hacer.
Las mentiras la han cojido cautivo.
Tan agresiva y tan brusca,
nunca sabran que las mentiras eran de un ser humano.
Bueno...solo lo puede ser del.

Fortunate event

They laid there in bed giving eachother soft kisses and her running her fingers through his short hair. 'This feels so right,' she thought. Right? She wasn't sure if it was the alcohol talking or the genuine feeling she'd been subconsciously hiding for the past x number of years.
She went to give him another kiss but instead she got a snore in return. She laughed lightly as she watched him sleep under the reflection of the moon on his blue walls. She thought of their past and how much they had been through. The trials and tribulations that only teenagers could possibly experience. Circumstances and fortunate events led them to this day. The day when after so many years, they could feel as they once had so many years ago.
This feeling however would probably not last long. She has no way of knowing this so she decided to sleep and enjoy the warmth of their bodies laying so close to eachother. His breath on her neck and his arms around her waist lullabied her to sleep.

{Fin}

Okay...

Borders were blurred on this day.
The things that they knew
and feelings they were just beginning to understand
were scattered iyt if tgeur reach.
They had to restart,
from square one.
Not to rebuild what once was,
but rather to have something new.
What once was could never be again,
and that was okay.
So long as they tried to maintain
and replineish themselves,
everything was going to be
okay.

Poem

I hate it when writers write
a poem about the kind of poem
that they want to write.
The poem that will change the world.
The poem that will make that one girl's
heart break.
Or the poem that will make her
realize that he wasn't worth it.
You all know you've heard that poem.
I hate that poem.
But fuck it, I wanna write it too.

Short story

So lately in my Chinese lit class I've found myself easily getting distracted and reaching the point where I could easily fall asleep. In order to not do that I've started writing short stories or poems in class. Here's one of em.

----

I sat hopelessly in despar as the world kept on spinning. My problems are mine alone, the world had no reason to stop for me. Fine, I was horny. It's normal, nothing to be ashamed of. Might as well tell you the whole story, now that I've confessed my biggest problem.
John was perfect. He was smart, witty and a gentleman. He was there for my every beck and call, willing to do anything. The first time we met was at school. I was falling asleep in the library an hour before her class. I thought I had been sleeping forever so upon waking up, I was startled and made some serious noise. In the library. He had been sitting at the station next to me. I had startled him too but he went back to work.
"Excuse me,I'm sorry but do you happen to know what time it is," I asked as I tried to put my jacket on.
He looked at me cautiously, unsure if he should tell the time to a loud person in a library. "1:23."
I looked at him, stunned. "That's it? I was amazed. "Oh my god, I thought it was like 2 o clock or something."
He smiled and what a nice smile it was. "Yeah, I hate that feeling."
I quietly laughed and fell back into my seat. "Oh god, I'm so silly."
Suddenly he was interested in having a conversation with the loud ass. At the library. It was when he asked me where I was rushing off to that I noticed how handsome he was. Smoothest brown skin I'd ever seen on a man. Everything was perfectly in place: his hair, his glasses and his perfectly pink lips.
We chatted until it was actually time for me to go to class. We exchanged pone numbers and didn't talk to eachother for another week. From then on we started dating. At first it was the most beautiful romance I'd ever had. For once, my boyfriend was treating me like a lady, not his best friend who he could blow off whenever he felt like it. It was my first mature relationship.
As lovely as it all felt, I knew it wouldn't last. At 20 years old, I didn't want a serious relationship. Well, I did before I got myself into one. Then I realized how much effert and attention it took to keep John and myself happy.
Two days before our 4 month anniversary, I broke up with him. I told him that I did care about him, but I just wasn't ready. He was not happy. A week went by where he continued calling me as if we were still together. He wasn't ready to let go so I had to do it for him. I refused to pick up his phone calls.
And so now I'm single. Single and ready to...mingle? ha.

Him.

HE MAKES ME FEEL SO CONFUSED!

..And yet everyone around me seems to know whats going on between us except for me. Why is that? lol

Bueeenoo...

Sitting across from eachother,
trying to silently answer the questions
of what was to be.
In her eyes he saw what he was losing,
and in his, she saw nothing.
The remnants of the times passed
did not factor into her mind.
He wanted to hold her hand,
She'd prefer to have no hand to hold.

-------

I gave you every excuse in the book.
I reeled you in and then pushed you away.
You were a good man.
You are a good man.
And now I wonder if I shouldn't have let you go.
When I get what I want,
I kick it in the balls.
There must've been a reason why.
Lo que sera, sera.
You haven't tried to get me back
so I assume you never really cared.
How will it be when I see you?
How will I stand up straight?

-------

How so very strange to see you here...
with her!
And me...with him!
Months ago, last time we really spoke,
you said you'd have no time for nonsense such as myself.
Your girlfriend. And yet here you stand with your friend
who just so happens to be a girl.
How so very strange, silly little man.

Ok so these kind of suck but I haven't written in a while so lemme freshen up. teehee!

I hope this is accurate

I actually hope that guys do have emotions and sometimes even hurt just like the ladies. Not to be vengeful or bitter but for my own sanity.


The loneliness was beining to envelope his heart.
Men weren't supposed to cry,
or miss a woman.
He, however, missed his woman
and wanted to cry every night.
The absence of her warmth
affected him more than he thought it ever would.
There was a void,
and he wanted to tear it out.
He knew she would never come back,
but his dying heart hoped she would.

Jaded

I've come to find out why I am so scared to write poetry. Upon reflection, I remember in 5th grade I had this unspoken competition with a girl in my class. We had been in the same class since like 2nd grade and we were pretty much the two students who excelled. In 4th grade we had a spelling bee and I think she was in it, and so was I. We were representing our class and honestly, I just wanted to out do her. She left in like the third round and then a few rounds later I also lost (to the word nephew). So that was a success for me. Then in 5th grade there was a poetry contest and for some reason I wrote about the waste of water (true environmentalist at heart even in my childhood lol). So basically I lost to her I think and all because I didn't put a title on my fucking poem. How trivial. Anyhoo I think that it was that moment that triggered my dislike for poetry even though I keep on writing it without even noticing. Hmmm...However in 8th grade I did win the schoolwide writing contest. That was like the highlight of my life. Sad, but true.

Progress

The four chambers of my battered heart
were beginning to collect dust.
They were barely battered anymore
but time was still appreciated.
The dust was accumulating,
prohibiting the rest of me to function.
As i was beginning to wither and slowly dissipate,
I found you.
Or rather you found me,
huddled in my corner of seclusion.
You were able t oconnect the six degrees of seperation,
and tumble down the walls that unabled us of being.
The dust no longer assembles at the forefront of my heart,
and the bricks no longer come to surround themselves
around my four chambers.

And that's how I feel now.

Truly

I don't know what to do. I can't get him out of my mind. All thoughts end up back to him and the possibility of this actually working is...who the hell knows! Why do I have the worst luck with love, if it's the one thing I want more than anything in the world?

blaaah!

Wackity wack

haha i think this one's kinda funny...

Wanting to assimilate,
dying to proliferate,
I need to be free,
goddamnit i need to be me.
Bar hopping and booty popping,
two things I don't do.
Not because I don't want to,
but more because I'm confined.
Confined behind these invisible lines
you've built up around me.
It's not that I don't love you,
because trust me baby, I do,
It's just that I need to be free,
oh dear, I need to be me.


That was my sad attempt at rhyming and now this is some other crap.

My misconception of what poetry is
has been blinding my guiding light
to feeling happy.
Enveloped in my past and only the bad,
I haven't let myself feel happiness.
It has prevented me from laughing
as hard as I know how to,
and not worrying about having a boyfriend,
instead of enjoying the happiness surrounding me.
I want to smile,
genuinely,
and say cheese.
From now on, I will.

homework

homework is not being done right now. i's 2:50 am and i should be writing up this paper. It has to be seven pages and i have one and it's due in twelve hours. Let's say ten cuz 2 of those hours I have class so they don't even count. So I'm not sleeping tonight. It's cool, I'm not sleepy right now anyway, although I did feel like throwing up all night and I just ate a tuna fish sandwich in hopes that it would subdue my weeeiiirrdd stomach pattern and it did. Deelicious! I'm talkin to esther and des even thooo I shouldn't even be on aim! IF it wasn't for the need of the internet for my resources, I would've fucking disconnected this shit and done this while sittin on my floo'.

LEt's talk about life cuz I think my poetry doesn't show the many spectrums of my life. A "friend" told me that I should stop writing like sad poems because then people will think that I'm just complaining. He has a point but I can't seem to write a good, optimistic poem; is that wrong? I feel like it's a giant flaw I have. I feel like if I write something happy, it's super cheesy, even more cheesy than my sad stuff. And I will try to start off with a happy poem and then it ends with my heart shattered. I think it's because that's what usually happens in life anyway. Wow, how could I write so much in like 5 minutes but my paper I've been attempting to write for like 4 hours?!

Why do I keep recycling my bfs? It seems like when there's no where else to turn, I turn to an ex and hope to rekindle some kind of anything! I need to stop because then I confuse myself. And they're an ex for a reason, right? Right!

This weekend I wanna go out, party harty, chill with my homies! To my troopers out in college..hurry home sonnnsss! Ok, I'm actually gonna get crackin on this paper. Woorrdd

Old poems

1.Sometimes it's hard to breathe.
I forget to breathe.
I think about a shitload of things.
And there's just so many things.
My heart races.
And my brain races.
My stomach hurts and churns
Then I throw up because it churns.
I'm temppted to put my fingers down my throat.
And sometimes I just want someone to grab me by my throat.
Writing calms be down.
And writing brings me down.
Lately I've been really tense.
Smoking helps but once the cigarete burns out, I'm back to tense.

2.Waiting for him to walk by me.
Look into me and stop. Stare.
A beautiful stare.
He's not looking at my face, opr my hair.
Or my piercings, or my clothes.
He's looking into me.
Into my soul.
Beyond now, beyong everything.
He'll take my breathe away,
and when he smiles, i'll fly.
My shy wings will spread and flutter.
His spread too, and I feel whole.

3.It's almost how surreal how real this pain feels.
I can barely thing straight and I have to push my self to deal.
Broken hearted and with only time on my hands,
All I can do is clean these pots and pans.
Over and over, time after time
I clean and I think how badly I want you to be mine.
These emotions i easily hide,
and with them not visible, it's easy to get by.
omg i hate rhyming

4.

Mommy dearest

These are ones that I wrote after a somewhat arguement with my mother last night.

I don't want to be mad at you,
I know it's not your fault,
it's who you are.
And I shouldn't be so cold,
because one day you'll be gone,
and I'll be lost.
And that's why I've stayed.
Fear of losing you has held me back
from exploring the world
and starting a revolution.
I've always been a good girl,
under your wings, hanging out.
Now I want wings of my own,
but there isn't enough room for both our wings.
You've taught me all the good things,
and even your pet peeves have stayed with me.
Tomorrow, I won't go out.
I promise mami, I love you.


Y entonce esta este,

As I sat there,
trying to express my feelings to you,
I rolled, unrolled, rolled, unrolled
my manly white tube socks.
Over and over again until I stopped.
Until I noticed a lynt on the sheets and focused on that.
I couldn't look you in the eyes,
or even look at your face.
And now, laying in my own bed,
I noticed my rolled sock
and as hard as I tried to fight it,
a tear slipped from my eye.
After endless minues of resistence, I cried.
I just hope I didn't make you cry.
Staring at this sock I think of things I should've said,
shouldn't have said,
and I wonder...if I should've said anything at all.

Pretending

I was pretending,
Pretending that your venomous kiss
was my recluse, and mine alone.
Only I didn't know it was pretending,
or that I wasn't alone in the delusion.
::Don't cry out; cease fire::
I had fun, you say you did too.
You want the fun to be everlong,
but I can't pretend.
At least not for now.
Maybe later I'll come out to play.
Out of this cacoon of memories
and voices yelling, "Break me."