Whispers

She sits and swallows
the explosion of emotions
waiting to escape.
She foolishly finds herself
thinking of the most intimate moments
that they shared and
made them close.

The soft whispers of love and
appreciation that she
still hears in her dreams.
He haunts the world inside of her
that he knows still belongs to him.
The glass box has been broken
yet pieces still linger in hopes of
finding the remains and
fix what is broken.

Whispers of kisses and hugs
follow her as she walks down the street.
Whispers of long hours in bed remain in her sheets.
Whispers of promises for the future and
images of a life built together remain in her notes.
She whispers to herself that it won't be
but the whispers of his insistence won't let them be.

Perplexed I am

Am I the only one who felt so real about the love
we felt inside and communicated to each other
verbally and physically?
Am I the only one who felt
the heart wrenching pain when the relationship
we had was declared to be over?
Am I the only love fool who has fooled herself that
the possibility of you and me has lived on for
X amount of time?

How is it that if both you and I have felt so much
deep inside that I'm the only one
saying how badly I feel when you're not around
which is constantly because you decided for the
both of us that we're best without each other?

Why is it that every time I see a person
with your features or characteristics I hope it's you?
Or that every time I am on the train that takes me
down your route I hope that it is you walking by me?
And why is it that every time I talk about you I say
all sorts of negative things when deep down
it is you I feel I deserve?

So lastly, why is it that when I think of you and me
being once again...I have doubts?

LongLiveLove

P.S. Why can't I shed anymore tears for you even thought my heart aches to do so?

Hello

She no longer expresses externally what burns inside.
Lapses of internal pain that awaits to burst
carries her chest with burden and ache.
Like clockwork, the sadness settles and she says it can't be explained
when in reality, she knows exactly why and refuses to admit it aloud.

She longs for a lover but not just anyone.
She longs for the lover that promised her all that she deserves.
Dreams and expectations still hang above her awaiting a reality.
She breathes deep and expects that pain to leave with her breathe but
to no avail.
She drinks to soothe her thoughts and calm her nerves.
She sleeps to dream....

Train belligerence

I'll tell you why this one feels like my real first. Never had I met a man who's soul matched mine. A man who instantly swept me off my feet and love just sprang in. The others...it wasn't love but infatuation. This was the first man who I barely knew but made me love and trust him with just a smile and a hug and a kiss and his revealing himself to me. Insecurities and worries plagued me out of experience but soon I found out that this is like nothing I've ever experienced. And I really didn't see an end in sight...ever..we had already established that the rest of our lives will be spent together. Diamond bracelets, thousands of shoes and a home in every time zone. But now times are hard and you got weak. Now there's no time for you and me.

---

Never have
I ever been with a man who's caresses made me feel that his touch was not something obligatory but something that I deserved and should have been there before I knew that love is pain. You were the one that everyone- including Belle and Cinderella- told me about. The one I loved now and later. Come on in...every thing's ready for you.

They call him Common Sense for a reason...

Time revolve
we fell in love as crazy as Nas and them
broads were textin
cuz I stop calling them
I met the parents
watch the game with her father and
questions of marriage
and I start dodging them
what happen to me
happens to lots of men
get deep in love
and then your needing some oxygen
as far as wives I was thinking like Solomon
she said "there you go, breakin my heart again!"

-Common

Breaking my heart 08/03

Fear and panic of losing the one person of the opposite sex who makes me feel whole, beautiful, and worthy. This dependency has never existed in me before and fear settles. Irresistible love. Unloathing, unintentional caresses from a man who is undeniably the uninsured uncensored love I'd been waiting for a long time. Unidentifiable flawlessness that only I can but welcome with an open heart.

The unclassified love that is being created one step at a time. The unselfish love this is professed along with the unsettling patience that must be had. The unbelievable way that you are and I miss you and I love you and you...you...you...

Shelter me, you love me, you caress me, you protect me, you stand by me, you...you..you..you...it's always been you that my heart has waited to profess its love to, it's waited, waited, waited so badly. Cobwebs and brick walls intended to protect this tender organ have been destroyed in a matter of days; effortlessly by a man who I barely even knew. You awoke me inside and took my breath away now please don't let this die.

This beautiful philosophy we've created called...us.

Growing woman

Sometimes the woman in me
does not realize just how womanly
I am nor the capacity
of who I am.
Who I am and what I can be.
Be Be Be
is all I want to be.

Sometimes I am afraid that I do not realize
my capacity of just how womanly I can be
and how quickly I can cause some ruckus.
I many times have tried to make a man's soul
be the soul that reflected my soul
and then I realized that they don't give a fuck about
me.

Sometimes I am afraid that I do not realize
the extraordinary woman that I have grown to be
and the life that I will lead that will get me
to places higher than I ever expected.
I forget that I can say some real shit sometimes
with the power of my paper and pen
and then I realize I have nothing to repent.

Sometimes I am afraid that I do not realize
that the world does not revolve around me.
I am struggling day by day trying to make
mom and pop be as proud as they can be to have
made such a butterfly that stings like a bee.
A bee with a sense of direction that clearly
knows which flower to prickle and which
comb will produce the most honey that will eventually
trickle.

Sometimes Sometimes Sometimes
I I I
do not realize how much love I've found.
Sometimes Sometimes Sometimes
I I I
am so selfish.
Sometimes Sometimes Sometimes
I I I
want to give my heart and soul to the world.
The world consisting of those who have
pieces of my heart beating in their hands
slowly watching as I grow into a woman.
Slowly growing with me as we grow together
to be the full entity of our generation.
To say some real shit sometimes and sometimes
want to cry but not let it deter us of our road.

Una mujer

No one will ever understand the pain she with stands.
The blows her body takes and the pain that runs through her.
It is physical and emotional,
it makes her tackle on the person she once thought she was.
She was born to struggle but no one ever imagined this much.
I speak not of the pain aches of heart break that is bestowed upon us all, man or woman.
I speak of the physical pains that women endure that then lead others to look at her funny.
Her period, breast cancer, lupus, sexism, limitations.
It affects us all.

We as women are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
Willingly we make the decision to shove a being out of the vagina men love to play in.
We have the bodies men faun over, wrecking havoc in our hearts.
We as women will tend to your needs not to cater to you but
because it sometimes is the right thing to do. To love another.

Do not think that I need you to hold my hand
or put your arm around me to reassure me of my beauty or our relationship.
These things are additional.
I know who I am and how much respect I deserve.
I’ve been ’hey mami’d’ before and ’ayo boo’d’ too.
Let him know that I’ve done seen it all and been through it all.
I gave up my body because I was anxious to be grown
and feel something so so real.
Part time lovers and part time friends,
never fully committed, never fully happy.
Almost lovers.
All lovers of something so much more trivial than me.

I am woman hear me roar.
I roar not just for me but for my mother who sleeps in the room next to mine
with pains on her feet of years of standing, tending, serving
and who’s mother’s sleeps in the building next to ours who’s feet also ache for the same reasons.
I roar for my nieces who have only just begun to love their dresses and skirts
and fight boys on playgrounds.
I roar for his sister who hurts because the anatomy of a woman was too good to be true.
I roar for the 15 year old princess, unaware of her potential.
I roar for you and me and she and maybe even him.
I hope you are roaring with me.

Trash

Speak ever so softly
as to not disturb my heart.
My aching heart trembles
at the sound of your voice.
I wish I didn't get so weak
oh baby just to hear you speak.

Certain places, smells, sights, sounds
remind me of you.
With every pit patter of my heart
I slowly feel it collecting dust.
Slowly giving up hope, losing its religion.


-----

Sweet caresses that left their mark
imprints on the skin and soul
make me wish you were never present.
The aches of a body once loved,
pangs that inconveniently remind me
of the everlasting happiness that was in the past.